Since I’m currently in Query Hell, I thought I’d take a minute to dissect the most recent rejection letter I received on a requested partial. Seriously, do agents get together and mass-copy these things? Cause I swear I’ve received this one numerous times from different agencies.

Dear Ms. Naughton:

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your partial of Marina’s Bane.
What the hell kind of title is that anyway? Were you out to lunch when you came up with it?

Unfortunately, after careful consideration, …
Careful consideration? ROFL. As if. Do you realize how many submissions I receive each month? You’re lucky I read the first three pages.

…I do not feel enthusiastic enough about the project to be able to pursue it further.
It sucked. Seriously. I don’t even know what else to say about it.

As I am sure you can imagine I receive a tremendous number of submissions, and are forced to limit my focus to only a few projects. (This agent obviously needs a grammar lesson.)
Which doesn’t include yours. And probably never will.

Agenting is subjective and even though we are passing on your project right another agent might feel differently. (That’s their missing word, not mine).
But probably not. We’re not a big agency and you couldn’t even “wow” us. Seriously reconsider your career choice.

I wish I could send out a more personal response.
ROFLMAO. If you believe that one, I have land to sell you in Siberia.

Thank you for your interest in this agency.
Please, please, please don’t send us anything in the future.

Please accept my best wishes for your success in your writing career.
But if you ever sell a book, I’ll eat my hat. Odds aren’t in your favor, sweetheart.

Sincerely,
An Agent You’ll Never Sign With.

Linda’s resorted to creating her own form rejection letters to mail with her queries. Might not be a bad idea. At least then I wouldn’t have to read between the lines.