You Know You’re A Paranormal Author When…

Finish the end of the sentence. Go on, I dare you.

I just have to say right now that I have never been a big vampire fan. I mean, the blood, the immortality, the whole biting thing…ick. I have a hard enough time donating blood. I can’t imagine voluntarily allowing two giant fangs to pierce my skin.

That said…my relatives on my mother’s side come from that famed region in (what used to be) Hungary known as Transylvania. Yes, you heard that right. Somewhere back in my lineage there’s probably a link to Dracula, the king of all vampires. Being the paranormal author I am, I’ve had fun with this little bit of info. You see, when my 5 yr old was little, we used to tease him that he was a vampire, and the link to Transylvania? Fodder for the story. He hated the sun (still does), he had the sharpest little fangs you ever saw (they’re worn down now but not gone) and he used to growl at people he’d meet in the grocery store or on the street or, heck, anyone he knew for that matter. Little vampire. That was him. However lately, it’s gotten out of control.

Over the weekend my daughter was watching Twilight. I came downstairs and sat on the couch and watched with her for a bit, and after a few minutes the 5 yr old sauntered into the room. He snuggled in next to me, watched for a while and then said, “Mamma?”


“Why don’t we sparkle?”

It took me a minute to figure out what he was asking. And then bingo, I realized, I have teased him so mercilously that he now believes we are real vampires.

There are two reactions a mother would have to this. The first (and most logical) is to say, “Oh, honey, mommy was only teasing. We’re not real vampires.”

But that wasn’t my reaction. Oh, no, what came out of my mouth was,

“Not all vampires sparkle.”

At this point my husband, who was also in the room, looked over at me with raised eyebrow and said, “Oh, there are different kinds of vampires now?”

“Yes,” I answered. “It’s all up to the author, you know.”

This, of course, would all be fun and comical if the 5 yr old hadn’t then leaned over to me and whispered, “Daddy doesn’t get it cuz he’s not a vampire like us.”

And my response?

“I know. Just ignore him.”

You Know You’re A Paranormal Author Whenyou convince your 5 yr old he’s a vampire.

Egad. 😯

Your turn. Make me feel better. Change it up based on whether you’re a reader or writer:

You Know You’re A Paranormal Reader/Writer When…

5 comments to “You Know You’re A Paranormal Author When…”

  1. Joan Swan
    March 16th, 2010 at 12:33 pm · Link

    Um…geeeee…I don’t know…

    Maybe when you pick up Tarot as a hobby to sort out where your story goes next or what conflicts your characters face or…say…what your CP’s birth card is and how that makes her decide to torture her 5yo with a vampire identity crisis????

  2. Elisabeth Naughton
    March 16th, 2010 at 12:44 pm · Link

    Vampire Identity Crisis? :mrgreen: I like that.

    ROFL. Yeah, you know, I think you’ve finally found the right genre, J. 😈

  3. Cynthia Eden
    March 16th, 2010 at 2:08 pm · Link

    LOL, I love this story, Eli! I tell my son that we are “magic” all the time. And he tells his dad, “I’m sorry you’re not magic, too, daddy. That must make you sad.”

  4. Elisabeth Naughton
    March 16th, 2010 at 2:25 pm · Link

    Aw, Cynthia, that is SO cute! See Joan? I’m not the odd one. (Although, hm…Cynthia’s son doesn’t think he drinks blood…)

  5. Kylie Griffin
    March 17th, 2010 at 6:09 am · Link

    You know you’re a paranormal author when…you hear a strange sound and immediately reach for your backpack (which, incidentally, contains a wooden stake, holy water, a hand gun with silver bullets, a spell book for all occasions, a variety of amulets and lucky charms, an almanac of alternate realities, a handy pocket sized dictionary of demonic languages, a crystal ball with matching tarot cards and a ring of magic keys) and you head straight for the location you last heard it shouting, “Go ahead, make my day, hellspawn!” 😈

    You know you’re a paranormal author when…you think it’s normal to open conversations about demons/vampires/shapeshifters/psi-powers in mixed company :mrgreen:

    You know you’re a paranormal author when…you’ve made weapons out of your garden implements…just in case because the next door neighbour’s kid gives new meaning to the word holy terror 😯

    You know you’re a paranormal author when…you believe it makes perfect sense to decorate you house with necklaces of garlic, hang mirrors in every room, install fonts of holy water at every entrance, and burn twists of sacred herbs 24/7 πŸ˜•

    You know you’re a paranormal author when…you wear steel-capped boots, a long leather jacket, and an array of hidden weapons on your person when you step outside your house πŸ˜†

    You know you’re a paranormal author when…an earthquake shakes your house and you dive for cover shouting, “Take cover! The Hellmouth is opening, the Hordes of Baccus begin the Reclamation!” πŸ™

    You know you’re a paranormal author when…you immediately forward this list to other paranormal authors, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand! 😎

    Kylie Griffin πŸ˜‰
    futuristic & fantasy romance,
    with a touch of paranormal

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